Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
