I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
