Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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