i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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