A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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