Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
