the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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