I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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