but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
