I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
