my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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