I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
