just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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