she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
