I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
