bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
