Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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