i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
