Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
