Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
