Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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