forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
