Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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