Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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