That's when you crack a 10am beer
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I will be naked everywhere
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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