watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
