He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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