he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
