I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
