I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I still have a little drunk in my system
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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