Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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