marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
