I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
