Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
