some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
