God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
