Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
