ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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