Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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