Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize