I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize