drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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