I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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