I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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