Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
