you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
