using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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