Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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