Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize