jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
