We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
