despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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