Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
MIDGETS
????
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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