We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
