My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
