Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
barbara walters just said penis...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
