i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
