I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
