Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
