So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
