Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
