i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
