dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
