Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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