I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
