It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
