I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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