According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
