woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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