3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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