apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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