I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
