I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
