So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize