Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
