She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
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then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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