You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
