he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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