I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
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Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize