i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
