my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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