He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
