his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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