false alarm. still invincible.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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