My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
